Varsity roundup

The highs and lows from the Saturday that was...

Notre Shame, Shame, Shame: It's a remarkable year when the three Division I-A football programs are a combined 6-3 after three weeks, and neither IU nor Purdue are responsible for any of the losses. Good lord, Notre Dame is just horrific. I was honestly hoping that Michigan would be the ones to fall on their face in this game, just to extend the Ann Arbor agony a bit longer, but watching the Fighting Irish throw up all over themselves for four quarters is an acceptable consolation prize. The Irish are going to be extremely fortunate to finish the season 4-8...and that will require winning their last four games of the season.

Biggest win: There are a myriad of terms that one could use to describe the devastation that Utah delivered to UCLA in the SLow-C on Saturday, but I'll leave the choice of description up to you. What's important is that the air has finally been let out of the sickeningly overinflated Bruin balloon. Number 11, my ass.

Worst loss: I'm calling this a three-way tie. In no particular order:

A) Florida Atlantic 42, Minnesota 39: Can someone please send a note to the Minnesota coaching staff and remind them that they're in the Big Ten? In three consecutive weeks, the Golden Gophers have lost to a MAC team in overtime, beaten a MAC team in overtime, and gotten schooled by a team from the Sun Belt that wasn't even playing college football a decade ago. I can't decide which is worse - giving up seven turnovers to the Owls (and forcing no turnovers yourself) or allowing nearly 500 passing yards to a team which would have trouble beating some Miami-area high schools. It will be a long, dark year for Minnesota in the Big Ten basement, but at least they'll have some company...

B) Duke 20, Northwestern 14: I have to admit that the relative success enjoyed by the Wildcats over the last 12 years has always bothered me greatly, sort of like in Empire Strikes Back when the Emperor tells Vader "There is a great disturbance in the force". Northwestern just isn't meant to be successful, and their insistence on being competitive and occasionally getting to bowl games has violated the very fabric of college football. Luckily, Pat Fitzgerald is there to put things right again. How do you lose (at home, no less) to a team that hasn't won a game against a Division I-A opponent since the week after the last presidential election? (That's November of 2004, for those of you who are slow on the uptake.) Even worse, Northwestern gained nearly 200 more yards of offense than the Blue Devils, yet they couldn't get it done when it counted.

C) Mississippi State 19, Auburn 14: I'm happy for Sylvester Croom and the Bulldogs, but the bigger news here is Auburn in abject free-fall mode. Five turnovers ANYWHERE, let alone on the road, will kill your chances almost every time. Auburn now faces the real possibility of a 5-7 season.

Meh: There weren't that many candidates for our weekly "Most uninspiring win" award. Miami looked positively ugly in a 23-9 win over FIU, and the Hurricanes' offense looks hopelessly limp right now. Texas averted a disaster in Orlando, holding off UCF 35-32. That's about it. Given that Texas is supposedly a top-10 team, the nod goes to the Longhorns.

Serves you right!: Scheduling Division I-AA teams is silly, so when a I-A team loses in such a game, it's only right to point at them and laugh. This week's "winner" is Marshall, who spotted New Hampshire a 24-0 halftime lead, en route to a 48-35 loss in Huntington.

Under the radar: After their win on the road at Georgia Tech, the Boston College Eagles are now 3-0, with all of those wins coming in ACC conference play.

Ranking the conferences:

#1 (tie) - Pac-10/SEC: Both conferences have two premier teams - USC and Cal from the Pac-10, Florida and LSU from the SEC. Both teams have a decent middle pack, although embarrassing losses for UCLA, Auburn, and Tennessee demonstrate why these teams aren't contending. With the sudden resurgence of Alabama and Kentucky, and South Carolina's statement win against Georgia last week, the SEC could ultimately eat itself before the season's done. Meanwhile, Oregon and Arizona State remain the wild cards in the Pac-10.

#3 - Big 12: Gets the nod over the Big 10 mostly due to Oklahoma. Texas probably isn't as bad as their close win versus UCF indicates, but they're also not going anywhere except Dallas for New Year's. Nebraska managed to make the final score against USC halfway respectable, but it's obvious that the Huskers, easily the best team in the Big 12 North, have a ways to go before being able to challenge on the national level. Iowa State shook off a silly home loss to Northern Iowa last week, beating Iowa in Ames 15-13. Texas Tech, Kansas State, Kansas, and Missouri have been average-to-good so far.

#4 - Big 10: I'll say it now - nothing about this conference excites me this year. Penn State has an awesome defense, but their offensive playcalling is atrocious. Ohio State apparently is not planning on playing any first halves this year --- they went into halftime trailing Washington today, before storming back for a big victory. Wisconsin, for all the public adulation they're receiving, hasn't done jack so far this year, and probably should have at least one loss on the resume so far. Iowa, Michigan State, Michigan, and Purdue are hard to read at this stage. Indiana and Illinois are winning games against bad teams. Minnesota may be the worst team in a BCS conference this year.

#5 - Big East: West Virginia is a force to be reckoned with. Rutgers can do a couple of good things. Louisville's plan of emulating Jack Pardee-era Houston Cougars football blew up in their faces at Kentucky. No one else in the conference is even worth mentioning.

#6 - ACC: Is there a team worth watching in this conference? Boston College has started strong, but hasn't hit the tough part of the schedule yet. Virginia Tech finally played a good game this week, albeit against a MAC team. Miami has seriously underwhelmed. Florida State can't seem to do anything except bludgeon their opponents into gradual submission, but is already 0-1 in conference. For all the hype a couple years ago about the ACC becoming the dominant football conference, they have nothing right now to show for it.

Looking ahead: Based on this week's action, here are four games to keep an eye on next week:

Georgia at Alabama: How was Georgia still ranked this week? Your guess is as good as mine. Regardless, they'll have an interesting challenge when they travel to Tuscaloosa to face an Alabama team that's going to be an emotional mountaintop after their last-second win against Arkansas. A big win by Georgia here wouldn't surprise me a bit.

Kentucky at Arkansas: Talk about two teams on opposite ends of the emotional spectrum right now --- Kentucky will be sky-high after knocking off their improbable late-game win versus Louisville, while Arkansas will be reeling from letting the Alabama game out of their grasp. Darren McFadden pulled up lame towards the end of that game, and his health status will go a long way towards determining a winner in this one.

Penn State at Michigan: So was Notre Dame really that bad, or has this Michigan team figured things out after their first two embarrassments? I tend to think it's the former, which could spell serious problems for the Wolverines as they face the best defense in the Big Ten. That said, the Penn State offense needs to figure out how to do more than just bang rocks together in the huddle if they want a chance at a victory in this one.

Michigan State at Notre Dame: 0-4? It's more likely than you think.