Baby Commisioners and their adorable screwups

These new commissioners are so cute when they’re young. And yet, sometimes so scatterbrained dealing with NFL coaches.

On NBC’s Sunday night NFL pre-game show, Cris Collinsworth criticized new-NFL commissioner Roger Goodell saying he “blinked” when given the chance to suspend Patriots head coach Bill Belichick for his team being caught videotaping New York Jets defensive coaches on the sidelines. Perhaps Collinsworth was harsh on the new commish because he remembers all too well what happened when another new commish stumbled in a similar way near 20 years ago.

Flash back to January 10th, 1988, the morning of the AFC Championship game between the Buffalo Bills and Collinsworth’s Cincinnati Bengals. That year, the Bengals prolific offense was the talk of the NFL, including a new wrinkle: Using the no-huddle offense outside of the 2-minute drill. Opponents complained incessantly because they couldn’t make defensive substitutions, and when they did, the Bengals would run a fast play to catch them with 12 men on the field, forcing a penalty.

No one complained more than Marv Levy, the Bills’ verbose head coach.

“Oh, it’s unethical,” he cried time and again. “It’s unfair” “unreasonable”, basically calling it cheating. He beat his chest much of the second half of the year, mainly after Cincinnati pounded Buffalo 42-21 late in the season, a win that would eventually give the Bengals the home-field advantage for the AFC title game.

So, the week of the rematch, Levy continued his harangue. Only this time, he had a new, unlikely ally: Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who’d only been on the job for a few weeks. And suddenly, after all of Levy’s complaining, after all of his whining, Tagliabue would decide on what so many considered a non-issue: Banning the no-huddle offense.

In hindsight, it seems so silly. But Tagliabue was still a baby commish. And Levy took full advantage before learning a valuable lesson:

No one should take advantage of the baby commish.

The morning of the game, Tagliabue made his first significant ruling at commish: The Bengals no-huddle offense is out; they MUST allow the Bills to replace players. If they try the no huddle, the team will face an unsportsmanlike penalty.

Understandably, the Bengals weren’t happy, having a significant part of their offense taken away. It didn’t really matter: The Bengals, without the no huddle, comfortably won 21-10, giving Cincinnati it’s second Super Bowl appearance. After the game, the silly no-huddle ban was lifted, Tagliabue never admitting his mistake but wouldn't said he was correct. He was, of course, nearly a newborn
leader, and Levy took advantage of him; it was as easy as taking candy from a ... well, you get the idea.

But, oh, if the story only ended there.

The next season, in the midst of a losing streak that nearly cost the team it’s AFC East division title, guess what team started using the no-huddle offense EVERY play? Of course: Marv Levy and the Bills. No more was it “unethical” or “unfair” – it was “just the best way for our offense to run”.

Sure thing, bumski. Glad to know you’re playing the selective memory game. How’s your nephew Alberto Gonzales doing?

The Bills used the offense to win four straight AFC titles before getting smacked in each Super Bowl, then quickly faded into obscurity (in a strong piece of irony, the 1991 Bengals dumped the no-huddle offense against Buffalo since the Bills ran it so well, instead running the then-45-second play clock down every play before snapping the ball. It didn’t work: The Bills won 35-16).

Years later, the no-huddle offense is part of all levels of football, and teams trying to substitute while a squad no huddles? You know the risk, and you don’t complain. Banning the no huddle? That’s about as ridiculous as … well, as ridiculous as taking a video camera to tape the other team’s defensive coaches.

Nineteen years later, Goodell will keep catching flack for allowing Belichick to coach while making sure Michael Vick, Pac-Man Jones and Odell Thurman stay out of football.

To be fair, while the no-huddle offense is one Tagliabue’s most glaring errors in his 18+ seasons, his commissionership is hailed as a success. And in two decades we may say the same about Goodell.

Just as long as he doesn’t take calls from Marv Levy. Now give Roger back his applesauce and warm milk.